a whirlwind of days

so many many things to blog about since my last post, only a week and a half ago. last friday, the family packed up and headed for a midnight trip - literally - back to my hometown of lancaster. 

saturday morning came early with a mere 4-1/2 hours of sleep under our belts.  but we made the short trek out to buford, south carolina to cheer my  nephew on at his basketball game.  that's him, way down there... number 15.  we got to spend some good quality time with my sister, brother in law, dad, and my nephew brooks, who was also celebrating his first birthday.  mom stayed home to get the house prepped for the birthday party that afternoon.  riley's team won and it was so awesome to be a part of that. 

john and i also had a pretty good "lol" moment.  as we were walking out of the rec. center, john was complaining that he smelled baby "puke".  i reminded him that the birthday boy had spit up during the game and maybe it was on his shirt.  as we got closer to the car, i began to smell it.  and soon enough we were overpowered.  near gagging, trying to convince john to ditch his shirt and making what i'm sure was a spectacle, we hear this guy from across the parking lot yell, "it's the turkey farm down the road."  now if only blogspot could verbalize the accent.  this guy, who john and i had chuckled at all morning for having his whole family (including the wife) decked out in camo, was the most country feller i've ever heard speak.  it sounded a little more like, "eeets da turrrrkey form down tha rooooad".  we laughed not only at his accent but that he probably hopped in his mud flapped, oversized tires, ford truck and said "stupid city people.  never smelled turkey shit before!"

after a little shopping around town with my sister and some golf for the guys, the entire family came over to celebrate with a birthday party for 2 very special boys - sully (2) and brooks (1).  here are some highlights....

sully's homemade birthday cake... (elmo was courtesy of this gal)

brooks had an adorable dr. seuss cake, made by a local lady in lancaster

sporting his new "2" shirt, specially made by this gal

and checking out his balloons

sully decided that he wanted his cake for dinner.  and on birthdays, we get what we want -



this is what i like to call "drunk on cake"...

sully and mommy

brooks was not a happy camper.  i'm sure he's praying to the toy gods that he never sees this hat again.

so while he was getting squared away, we sang "happy birthday" to sully

and then brooks was ready for his cake.  testing the waters -

getting more into it -

definitely got the hang of it -

the boys had a "few" presents to open.  more like a mound!

and then it was time to crash from all the fun!

with sunday being sully's actual birthday, we decided to take him to the columbia zoo on the way back to charleston - he has been obsessed with "phants" (elephants) lately.  it was a gorgeous, 70 degree, january sunday - that's south carolina for you.  i'm sad to say i don't really have any pictures to post from our excursion because sully was somewhat of a pickle.  it took us two hours of walking around to discover the secret - fish and m&m's.  so next time we go to the zoo, we know to start with that!  ;)

after a quick visit to the hospital to see john's granny, we headed back home as the sun was setting.  sully crashed and i made a quick dash to redbox so john and i could watch "the town" which we've been dying to see.  didn't disappoint!  during the movie, i managed to whip out a batch of birthday cookies for sully to take to daycare on monday and we were all snoring by 10:30.

tuesday brought another trip to lancaster, as my dad checked into the hospital for a triple bypass.  you expect hospital waiting rooms to be exhausting, in the boring kind of way - we had our moments of worry, don't get me wrong - but with 12 members of my family all crammed together it was mostly laughs and good memories.  dad came through his surgery beautifully, ignoring the big scar down the middle of his chest.  i'm sure i will blog about this experience at a later date, but for now he is well and recovering in the hospital until early next week.

by the time i got back to charleston on wednesday, just in time for sully's two-year checkup, i felt like i had been pummeled by one of the zoo lions.  but it took nothing more than a running hug from sully, after 36 hours of worry and wait, to cure me.

tinsel time

i'll admit i was a little sad for the 3 s's (summer time, sweat, sandy beaches) when I came across this picture earlier today...

maybe it's the bad-mama-jama glasses.  not really sure.

but thankfully my spirits were restored when I spotted this, circa christmas '09...

jingle on, jingle bells!

is it wrong...

to laugh at your own blog post?  My wonderful sister-in-law is, right at this very moment, in labor in Atlanta.  Filled with anticipation to hear that my new little nephew Jackson has made his arrival, I started reminiscing on Sully's birth.  So I re-read my own "birth story" that I blogged last year.  I laughed out loud (and maybe cried a little).  A re-post felt completely necessary, so here goes...

http://simplysoulshine.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-sully.html

what a coincidence that i would happen upon such a relevant article on babycenter.com this afternoon - "how to raise a happy child".  the 2nd topic, "make room for fun", reads:

Although nonstop entertainment and ice cream for dinner may seem like every child's dream, what actually makes your toddler happiest is much simpler: you. And that's the first key to creating a happy child says Hallowell. "Connect with them, play with them," he advises. "If you're having fun with them, they're having fun. If you create what I call a 'connected childhood,' that is by far the best step to guarantee your child will be happy."

My little buddy is 7 months old

It's hard to believe that 7 months have passed so quickly. It seems like just last night they were wheeling me and my sweet, brand new little bundle into the recovery room of the hospital where we spent our first days together as mommy and son. I pray that January 30th, 2009 stays as fresh in my mind as it is now and that the first site of his adorable wrinkled forehead and big beautiful eyes don't get lost in the shuffle of every other amazing thing that we witness from him. Change is an every day occurrence in our home lately and at times it feels almost impossible to keep up. He's turning into a little boy, right before my very eyes.

sitting/crawling/walking - my little man has mastered the fine art of sitting all on his own. No more holding on to the floor with his hands to keep him steady AND no more laying on the boppy like a little vegetable watching everyone else have all the fun. I was so happy and relieved when he mastered this. Now we can sit on the floor together, play, roll the ball, pat-a-cake, and all those other amazing things you do with your baby. He doesn't really show much interest in crawling. In fact, he truly hates tummy time. Dare I say that i'm almost hoping he completely by-passes crawling and shoots straight into walking. No dog hair, carpet fuzz, or shoe dirt in the mouth. You know? His legs are so strong that sometimes it amazes me. He's 7 months old and he can stand, with ease, as long as he has a leaning post. Maybe it's normal, but this proud mama is totally amazed.

talking - boy, is this ever a skill he possesses. His favorite word is, of course, "da-da". But he does throw many other 2 letter mixes into his "da-da" ramblings. Sometimes I swear he's saying "hey". I adore his tiny voice and love that he's expressing it so well. I'm eager to hear more. Especially a big, loud "mama".

eating - his little taste buds have been exposed to a wide variety of flavors recently. His likes so far: pears, peaches, banana, applesauce, butternut squash, sweet potato, blueberries, yellow squash, zucchini, avocado, sweet peas, carrots His dislikes so far: I added lime and cilantro to his avocado and he refuses to eat it - I think it's the tartness of the lime. I gave him a vanilla flavored teething cookie last night for the first time and he went bonkers. He loved it so much that he cried when it fell on the floor and I had to throw it away.

teething - oh yea! We've got the whole enchilada going on - constant drooling, fussiness for no reason, random & mild fevers, chewing on hands, breaking out around the chin. They are COMING! I was putting Orajel on his tired little gums last night and could really feel the tops of his front bottom teeth. I can't wait for them to make their appearance. I've been hearing alot about these "teething tablets" that i'm going to look into. Any thoughts?

This little man continues to be the light in my day (can you tell?). Everyday comes and it feels like I couldn't love him any more and then another day awakes to find me with a touch more than before. He almost ALWAYS has a smile on his face. He loves new people and new places and has yet to develop stranger anxiety which should have made it's appearance by now. This makes me happy. He is fascinated by light, but I believe this may be a characteristic for most babies - his fave toy is the one that lights up and play music. He loves to sit on the bed, playing with his blocks, while John and I get ready in the mornings, and has already figured out that "our" t.v. remote works and "his" doesn't. One of my favorite qualities is his amazing ability to observe. He watches so intently and within no time is trying to imitate my actions, i.e. clapping his hands or blowing bubbles. He is fascinated by the dog and lights up like a little firefly when he receives a good hand licking.

He has the most beautiful big brown eyes - the first thing people comment on when they see him. His smile is so big and open that it lights up his whole face. And the little chunk rolls on his legs are almost irresistable.

I'm fascinated by this boy, and more so each and every day. I was talking with a mommy-friend a few months ago and we were agreeing that we didn't want to become those mommies that only ever talk about their kids. Now, 4 months later, I realize WHY those mommies do that - because having a child is the COOLEST and MOST INTERESTING occurence in a woman's life. Nothing else trumps it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET BOY!

little boy blue(berry)

'naners about my baby

This weekend, I made the ultimate mommy sacrifice...

and it involved the big b word. BANANA!

As most of you know, I have a dis-taste for bananas. I'm not even sure if distaste is the appropriate word; it's more like a strong loathing. I cringe when I pass them in the grocery store. I can sniff a peel out of the trash can from amazing distances. I don't like yellow cars because they remind me of bananas and I couldn't sing that stupid Gwen Stefani song "it's bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s" without getting queasy. Ugh! I'm feeling nauseous just typing this blog.

So i've become a nut about making Sully's baby food. I like the idea of knowing that he is nourished by fresh produce, straight from the local stand to my food processor and into his growing belly. As much as I don't like them, I know that bananas are important for a little fellow, so on Saturday I headed to the store and cautiously entered "that aisle", the one i've never gone on before, and selected a nice bunch of organic bananas. It's wierd putting something into your cart that you have so adamantly detested your entire life. At any rate, there we are, me and my arch nemesis strolling the aisles of the grocery store together.

I got home with the 'nanas, popped Sully up on the counter to witness my selfless act of love, pulled them out of their plastic bag and proceeded. I started peeling the bananas and thought "this isn't too bad". I rather enjoyed the way it felt to pull the peel off, like a stress reliever. And the smell was minimal. I sliced them in pieces, tossed the rounds into the processor and thought how proud I was of myself. Food processor ready and turned on - I'M DOING IT!That wasn't nearly as bad as I anticipated. I was just before patting myself on the back (yes! I do that) when the fumes began to seep out into my nostrils. I took the lid off of the processor. Mixed between the blades was the mushiest dull yellow glob of mess - similar in appearance to something I won't mention. My stomach rolled and I threw up in my mouth a little. It took me 10 minutes to fill the freezer trays with the processed contents. Pour one - gag in the living room. Pour one - gag in the living room. You get the picture. It took an additional 20 minutes before my stomach felt right again.

Needless to say, Sully didn't eat bananas on Saturday. He got avocado and apples instead. We'll save the frozen cubes of banana for another day. Sully, if you're older and reading this, let it serve as a reminder of just how much mommy loves you because you are the ONLY person I will ever do that for. xoxo!

firsts and seconds

Sully had a big weekend of firsts (and seconds)...

He has transformed himself from a completely immobile baby to a little boy who locks his legs and stands when I go to pull him into a sitting position. Power legs! You can tell that he thinks it's just the coolest thing ever - he knows he's doing something big. He started doing this last week but I just captured the first pictures this weekend.




On Sunday he rolled over for the first time, completely on his own - he did it 4 times. Sadly I don't have a picture of this moment but I took these cute ones of him (lifting his head like a big boy) with John.


Also on Sunday, he got the opportunity to eat his first food - sweet potatoes (yum!). I think he was a little confused about what to do with his tongue and whether or not he should swallow the unknown substance being shoved in his mouth, but all in all I would say those 5/6 bites went pretty well.


After the stress of learning new things, we decided it was time to take a break so we headed to the pool (Sully's 2nd time in the pool water). He enjoyed it more the second time around and didn't seem too embarassed that mommy had on the same swimsuit as a little neighbor girl, also in the pool. Looks like it's time to go shopping. He was really getting into it until a big nasty storm blew in and blew us right on home.



After all that action, what baby wouldn't be pooped?

To all of my friends:

I want to apologize to you.

I know that "being a mommy" is a poor defense for the amount of neglect you have been receiving, but it's the best and most honest excuse I have to give. It's amazing that I have had time to juggle all of these amazing friendships throughout the years but one little baby comes along and is more time-consuming than the whole lot of you. I work during the day, which has been surprisingly busy. When I get home in the evening, I bust my chops to get bottles washed, dinner cooked, tomorrows bottles made, baby fed, baby washed, baby loved, honey loved and just when 9 o'clock baby bedtime rolls around and I think i'm done, oops, there's something i've forgotten. There's always something and it seems like no matter how much I do, nothing ever gets done (you know what i'm saying?). By the time I finally rest my bones on the couch, I can't even think about holding a phone up to my ear or typing an email. I'm sure John thinks i've gone mute because my brain is so fried, I can hardly muster a conversation with him at night.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining - I love love love my job as a mommy and take it more seriously than I have ever taken anything in my life. This is more my attempt to beg you, my dear and loved friends, not to count me out. Just be patient with me for the next 'er 18 years or so until I find some extra time. Not a day goes by that ALL of my friends are not in my thoughts and sometimes reflecting back on our funny memories is what gets me through those exhausting days. I miss our happy hours, midnight trips to Waffle House, beach days, concerts, Ladies' Dinners, and movie nights - I have traded them for a little fellow who needs all of the love & attention I can give him. But hang tight because we'll get there again.

xoxo,
Courtney

a day of firsts

i know that no one will believe me when i say this but.... sully said "da da" today! looking at john, loud and clearly, he said "da da". and on mother's day of all days!!! john and i were the only people that heard and i'm quite sure that we won't hear it again for some time, but regardless, he said it.

may 10th, 2009 - sully greider said his first word!!!

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Along with it being my very first Mother's Day and the day of Sully's first word, there was another big first. Sully was Christened today at Trinity United Methodist Church in Lancaster, SC.

I was so proud of my little fellow. He never made a single peep, not even when they sprinkled him with water. Of course, we've been practicing for that in the bathtub.

After the Christening, we had lunch at Adrienna & Gavin's house and Sully gave me a new Willow figurine for Mother's Day. It was nice to have mine & John's family together, united for such a special reason.

The whole day was sweet and perfect.

My little buddy is 3 months old!

My, my, how quickly time passes...

JANUARY 30TH, 2009 (Sully's Birth Day):


APRIL 30TH, 2009:



Little Butterbean sure has grown and time seems to be flying past me faster than a train. The 3 month mark finds him making big changes in his baby life. He babbles ALL the time and I have to wonder if he thinks that he's really saying words. I guess those "ga's" and "daaaa's" are words to him and probably what i'm saying sounds like babble. It's all about perspective, right. I just can't get enough of his sounds and you wouldn't believe the fool I make of myself sometimes just to get a reaction.

He has the greatest smile i've ever seen and loves to flash that thing whenever he can. I can always count on one really jumbo smile when I make my aftermoon entrance into the nursery. He smiles so big that it seems like he's been waiting all day for me to get there and can hardly control his happiness when he sees me. It's an amazing feeling to bring a smile like that to anyone's face, but especially a baby. It's the best part of my day and I would like to think that it's his too.

He is much more observant of his surroundings than I would expect a baby to be. His eyes get wide when you talk to him and he follows people and objects, sometimes even turning his head all the way around to catch a glance.

He loves bath time and, I think, has grown to depend on that as a part of his day. He can get pretty fussy on nights that we try to skip it.

He also loves it when I take his hands and do "the itsy bitsy spider" and "row, row, row your boat". More guaranteed smiles!

I love to watch him sleep because he always has a hand on his face (note the above picture) which is funny because, from what i've been told, my Papa Sully who he was named after, did the exact same thing. How ironic. He also enjoys sleeping with his arms above his head, like his Pop does. :)

He has started grasping onto things and is a pretty strong little guy. His favorite is to get a big wad of my hair. I'll probably need strong doses of Rogaine and hair implants by the time he's done with me. John was giving him his bottle last night and Sully actually grabbed the bottle and held it ON HIS OWN.

3 months ago, this little guy barely moved, never opened his eyes, ate, slept, and pooped ONLY. Now he's doing all of these amazing things that just blow me away every day.

Lookout television, there's a new medium on the scene!

My little 11-1/2 week old talker...

my new favorite thing...

is his smile.

My Sully

Wow! That's really the only way that I know to start this blog considering how much my life has changed since I last posted. Maybe i'll say it one more time for good measure... wow!

Let's see, where do I begin? Well... I guess there was that whole labor & delivery thing - that's a good jumping off point. As I mentioned, we kept hearing an abundance of "any day now" 's, but nothing ever seemed to happen. So, at 6:45am on January 30th, we loaded our bags in the car, filled the dog food bowls, and burned rubber to the hospital for an induction.

I was officially into a hospital gown and induced at 8am and so began our journey. Even though it lasted a whole day, it seems to have all gone by in about 2 hours. Did I black out from the lack of food and sleep? Possibly. By 10:45 I had received an epidural before even a handful of painful contractions. I'm sure I should thank my lucky stars that there was minimal suffering but it does take some of the glory away that I can't, one day, look at Sully and say, "do you know how many hours of pain and misery I went through for you to be here?" That being said, the pain of the actual epidural was quite enough for one day. Kudos to any woman (or man) out there who has had the pleasure.

But moving on... several large pricks (and what felt like a steel rod being shoved up my back) later, I was completely numb from the lower boob region on down leaving me completely helpless. I remember laying there thinking, "how in the HELL am I going to push? I can't even lean up enough to reach that tv remote that i'm dying for." (even labor wasn't enough to keep me away from the Lifetime daytime line-up)

So there I am - hair fixed, store bought & monogrammed hospital gown on, and the antics of Will & Grace in the back ground - when I feel something funny down below. Is this normal? What is this? Should I tell the nurse I have to use the bathroom? Oh, it's just a little gas. That's cool. My normal M.O. would be to hold it in with the good ol' butt clench (and don't act like you don't know what i'm talking about). Call me crazy but I just can't comfortably fart in front of people - even John who, let's face it, is certainly not modest and has seen me in just about every compromising situation since I found out I was pregnant. And I'm in labor for crying out loud! A little fart here and there is to be expected, right? Still, I just wasn't comfortable so I proceeded to a butt squeeze, only, I couldn't squeeze. Total and complete numbness. Crap! I could feel it working it's way out and panic was over-taking. Then it happened... and I swear to God the look on John's face was priceless. To get out, that poor little fart had to work it's way through the pounds of goop my doctor had slathered in my never regions, creating a sound that was less like a fart and more like the rumbling of a volcanic eruption. Jaw to the floor, John dropped the phone he was talking on and said, "holy shit, was that a fart?". God, how embarassing. Unfortunately that was the first of many and none seemed to make their arrival when I was alone.

4-1/2 hours, 5 popsicles, 4 visitors, & 1 sunflower later there had been very little progress. The baby was not moving down the way he should be (stubborn!) and was also having negative reactions to the pitocin that they used to induce. Apparently, I have a narrow pelvic bone. Who knew? Baby's head was just too big to make it through so the doctor recommended a c-section. Although it really was not the way I had envisioned the whole thing going, at that point, I was tired, hungry, uncomfortably numb, and cursing the bed to which I felt like a chained prisoner. With a nod and a wink, John and I said "okay".

A quick shave and morphin drip and we were off to the surgical room that, during lamaze I referred to as "the room I will never have to go into". I guess someone showed me! As they wheeled me out and down the hall, my Dad popped out from around a corner with a video camera telling me to smile. At the time, I really wanted to toss a bed rail at his head, but now that i've gotten to watch the video I couldn't be happier that he recorded that moment so I can always have it.

I remember laying on that table feeling like I had been beamed up into a space ship and the aliens were about to operate on me. I was on morphin (for one), the lights were bright, the room was ice cold, I was layed out on a table with arms outstretched, and I could hear the muffles of people talking but couldn't see anyone due to the big blue curtain draped in front of my head. I wondered if I was completely naked from boobs down to toes and my whole pregnant body was just spread out for all the world to see. Probably so.

John was right there beside me, holding my hand, telling me he loved me as the doctors moved in. I could feel them jerking my insides around but never felt an ounce of pain. It took them about 20 minutes to prep me and actually get down to where the baby was. I asked the doctor if, while they were in there, they could lipo some fat out. The whole room went into an uproar of laughter. The doctor then told me that I was about to feel a heaviness on my chest from them pushing the baby down; then he would be here. Lord the anticipation!

And then... heaviness on the chest. "The head's out". "Left shoulder out". "Right shoulder out". "He's heeeeeere". I could feel every inch of his little body being pulled out of mine. Then, I heard his first little cry. It was the most indescribable moment of my life and I instantly began to cry (i'm even getting emotional just sitting here writing about it). Honestly, if I could re-live any single moment of my entire life, that would be it. I quickly asked the doctor's if he had 10 fingers, 10 toes, and a penis. Yes!

When they brought him around the curtain and I got to see his little face for the first time, my heart just wanted to explode. His cries sounded so sweet and innocent and all I wanted to do was hold him in my arms.

I had to be sowed back up, so John went with the baby to the nursery. The 25 minutes following felt like an eternity. But, they passed, and I was carted off to the recovery room where John and Sully were not far behind. As they were taking me to recovery, my parents were waiting in the hall and I remember my Dad saying, "he's so beautiful, Courtney."

Beautiful he was! My sweet, healthy, beautiful baby boy came into this world 7 pounds 9 ounces, 20-1/2 inches long, a few wisps of hair, and not a single blemish on his perfect little skin. An angel.

Since there is much more to write, a baby crying in the background, and I have already written a novel, i'll save the rest for a rainy day. But for now, mommy, daddy, and baby are doing great!

I'm laying in bed last night. 1:45 am. Eyes open. Wide awake.

I know, I know. I should be absorbing every single ounce of sleep that I can get my hands on but it just doesn't seem to be working out that way. I have Mr. Acid Reflux fighting to keep my top half awake, a babe in the belly who enjoys participating in midnight activities like "the worm" and kick boxing, and something that I never even believed in until it happened to me - Restless Leg Syndrome - working on my lower half (yes! it does exist). All that I need to top it off is the constant snoring of John and Tucker (which I get plenty of) and i'm pretty much guaranteed a no-sleep night. I've become a big fan of the mid-day nap.

But I digress... it's 1:45 am and what am I doing? Laying in bed thinking "I haven't been on my blog to catch everyone up to speed." Am I the only moron thinking about my blog when I should be sleeping? Nevertheless, here I am, catching you up.

After much thought and discussion with the doctor, we have decided that inducing labor may be the best route for us. "Butterbean" is a week late now and my doctor has concerns about him going too far beyond his due date. I'm also kicking myself in the rear that I started maternity leave 3 weeks ago, which means that every passing day is one less I will spend with the little bugger before I go back to work. :( I'm trying not to focus on that one too much. So it looks like Friday morning at 6:30 we will be making our way to the hospital to make the amazing journey into parenthood. Friday! It's just the most surreal feeling i've ever had. Someone's life will be beginning on Friday because of me & John. Wow!

Please keep little baby Greider in your thoughts as he ventures out on this amazing journey called 'life'.

waiting...

Still 3cm and 80%... STILL.

Almost two months ago, I had my first contractions and the doctor said he was "preparing to come".

One month ago, the doctor said we could have a "Christmas baby".

2 weeks ago she said that he would be here any day.

Last monday I started maternity leave under the assumption that it was almost time.

Tomorrow is his due date and all I have are a bunch of random and painful contractions - no baby.

Who knows?! Maybe he'll surprise us and be right on time. I love the experience of carrying him, don't get me wrong. Waking up to his little hiccups is one of the most adorable things in this world. But, not quite as adorable as I know his face will be. His face! I'm just ready to see it. So come on, already.

In other news (still baby-related, of course) John and I have had a last minute reconsideration on baby Greider's name. We're still on for "Collins Sullivan" but instead of calling him "Collins", we're thinking of calling him "Sully". Sullivan was my maternal grandfather's last name. Everyone called him "Sully" - I called him "Papa Sully". He was a great man - funny, kind, completely devoted to his family, and even though he died 15 years ago I can still clearly hear the sound of his amazing laugh. It is a name to live up to and one that I hope my son will carry proudly.

"life will never be the same"

"On the night you were born, the moon shone with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered 'Life will never be the same.' Because there had never been anyone like you... ever, in the world."

-- An excerp from Nancy Tillman's book, On The Night You Were Born


With the baby coming "any day now", according to my doctor, you can only imagine how consumed I am with everything baby. I bought On The Night You Were Born at my most recent Barnes & Noble rendezvous (can't get enough of that place). When John read it aloud to me and the belly on Sunday night, I could hardly control the swells of tears in my eyes. The whole book is so true and perfectly worded that I can't imagine one single day passing that I won't read it to baby Collins.

So, like I said, i'm one brisk afternoon walk away from meeting this new little fellow and the anticipation mounts with every passing day. Last night I had two strong contractions that woke me from sleeping and I lept out of the bed thinking "THIS IS IT! IT'S TIME!". WRONG! Can you imagine being completely prepared (well, almost completely) for something and then having to sit idly by and wait with absolutely no hint of when it's coming? Have you ever been stuck in the airport for a flight delay? Every minute that passes is another minute that you get older and more antsy wondering when the hell your flight will be ready. Well... this is SO much worse than that! It's exhausting! I need to meet this guy - hear his sweet baby cries - and know that all ten fingers and toes are properly placed.

As intense and overwhelming as I make it all sound, my latest blood pressure reading indicated otherwise. I'm as cool as a cucumber. Is someone slipping me Xanax? I wouldn't be surprised. I'm feeling more relaxed than EVER before. I may even branch out to use the word "sedated". Calm. It's unusual. It's unexpected. And i'm loving it. I thought I was alone in this eerie calm until I read the blog of another hip prego who experienced the same thing. This calm has also brought about an over-powering love and adoration for John. I want to hug him and shout my love for him from the rooftops. If he only knew! Maybe it would be a good idea to tell him. Whatever this natural remedy is, i'm embracing it. It's certainly a nice change of pace from the raging and uncontrollable hormonal swings i've experienced the other 8-1/2 months.

Looks like the real Courtney is back. Or is this just the calm before the storm?

At any rate, I believe my fabulous friend, Rachel, put it best in an email she sent me this morning... "enjoy your last few moments before you become a mommy forever." Forever! I've never been so ready for "forever".

"Life will never be the same." **smiles & happy tears**

Today marks one month, to the day...

before I meet the new little man in my life! The one who has been keeping me awake all night... sending me to the potty every 30 minutes... making me so hungry that I've almost gone into debt buying Ben & Jerry's Half Baked and Hardee's gravy biscuits ... punching my insides... and "un-glueing" me physically & emotionally for the past 8 months. One month to the day, until that wonderful day when I meet the little man who is making me fall insanely, head over heels, uncontrollably in love every single minute of every single day. One month!

It's amazing to me how much you can love someone that you've never met. Especially when that someone causes you to pee in your pants atleast once a day. I imagine his little face, so perfect and round, and how precious it will be to see his soft, tiny hand wrapped around John's finger. I wonder if I will melt into a ball of mush at the first sound of his baby cries or what it will feel like the day we bring him home. Will he have John's great hair, my eyes, a good sense of humor? Will he be a t-ball all-star or spelling bee champ? Will he love me as much as I already love him? And will the first moment I hold him in my arms be as overwhelmingly wonderful as I have envisioned?

These are the sweet thoughts I wrap myself in on the days when the "joys" of pregnancy are staring me down into the toilet. I have definitely earned a new-found respect for mother's across the globe, because, let me tell ya', it sure hasn't been easy, Soulshine. In fact, some of those days have been down-right miserable!

There was the morning that I yacked in the shower! I couldn't stop puking so, naked & wet, I proceeded towards the toilet where... I puked so hard, I pee'd ALL OVER THE FLOOR. And if that wasn't bad enough, in the midst of being exhausted from puking and still green with nausea, I had to clean out a shower that was filled with last night's dinner and a floor that was covered in a bladder full of pee. I didn't eat lima beans again for 6 months! (I know, I know. You're thinking you could have done without that, right? Well, so could I!)

Then came month 6 when I had my flu shot & glucose screening (to test for diabetes). Apparently the combination was too much for my already tired body and somewhere between the hours of 2 and 3, I passed out cold on my desk at work, waking up 2 hours later to a pile of drool and one very confused customer.

Oh! Then there was that unforgettable night at John's softball game, in the fall. Sporting my newly protruding belly, I made way to the bathroom stall to pee. I was still learning how to maneuver properly and apparently, hadn't worked out all the kinks in my squat & hover (ladies - we all know about the public bathroom "squat & hover") and I pee'd all down the back of my brand new maternity blue jeans. Imagine the embarrassment of walking back out to a bleacher full of people with a huge dark stain down the back of your pants. Not pleasant! I imagined the baby, all snuggled in my belly, laughing his adorable buns off at his idiot mommy who just pee'd herself.

I've had heartburn & headaches that I thought would kill me - learned to say the words "diarrhea" & "constipation" in public without embarrassment (ps. there's no normal pooping in pregnancy) - silently cussed out several stupid men who took the liberty of calling me "chubby" - mastered the art of secretly napping at work - concealed a million eye rolls after being told, "this is nothing compared to what's coming soon" - read things that scare the absolute beegeezus out of me - made keegles a part of my daily life - and, well...

I could go on and on!

But it won't be the misery of peeing my pants or overwhelming nausea that I remember when I see his perfect little face for the first time. In fact, I have a feeling that all of that suffering will fade away quickly leaving me only with the greatest blessing I have yet to receive.

One month to the day, and I can hardly wait!

As a soon-to-be mother, I've found myself interested, lately, in topics that never crossed my mind before. One that is quickly becoming the giant "monster in the closet" of topics for mothers of young children is Autism. Tackling "1 in every 166 children", it may dampen development or create the inability to speak or even express emotions (to name a few). Although the thought of Autism is frightening, not thinking about it could be detrimental for that sweet little bundle that you love and adore. For anyone who may be interested, I stumbled across this article in Newsweek - click here to check it out!

little boy blue

Model airplanes & t-ball games...



IT'S A BOY!(due date standing strong at January 22nd)