goals

I found this list buried deep in the piles of things I have written through the years.  It is an unfinished list of goals that I made about 5 years ago.  It's funny (and rewarding) to see what I have already accomplished. 

•  travel to Paris
• author a children's book
• buy a home (with a mandatory swing on my mandatory screened-in porch)
• watch Carrie Bradshaw on the Big Screen
• open a boutique in the Charleston area and become my own boss
• plant and successfully nurture a flower garden
• return the favor on all of the wonderful ways in which my parents have contributed to my life
• marry a wonderful man who makes me laugh (and then........)
• grow a big, beautiful pregnant belly
• learn to speak a new language (English - check, Spanish - check)
• sky-dive
• master the guitar
• wake up early enough to watch the sunrise on the beach
• take a road trip with no destination, just a tank of gas and lots of time
• kiss in the rain (without worrying that my makeup will run)
• re-discover that wonderful little body I lived in at 21, that I didn't appreciate until it was gone
• change someone's life for the better
• make a sizable contribution to a worthy cause

This list is still relevant to the dreams that I have.  Other than changing the "boutique" to a photography studio, I would say it is spot-on.  Finding this helped me to realize that I have accomplished a few sizable goals in the past 5 years, but there's still alot left on my short list that I need to get crackin' on.

"you can choose what you do; you can't choose what you like to do"

I'm reading a fantastic new book - The Happiness Project.  Loosely related to the (dare I say) self-help family, it is the author's year long quest to recover genuine life happiness and to live that happiness every.single.day.  It was recommended by my book savvy bff, Carissa (props to her), and is also where I found "emotional contagion".


I'm reading the chapter "May: Be Serious About Play" and she (the author) is reconnecting with the kinds of "play" that make her happy.  Honestly happy.  Not the activities she wants to enjoy, but the ones she truly enjoys.  During the process, she writes that someone asked her "What did you like to do when you were a child?  What you enjoyed as a ten-year-old is probably something you'd enjoy now."


This peaked my curiosity.  What did I like to do when I was little and would it have any relevance on things i'm doing now? 


When I was 5 I enjoyed...
barbie dolls - could've played with them for hours
making mud pies with old pie tins and "cooking" with my Fisher Price stove
swinging outside
dressing up with mom's clothes and shoes
pretend work: waitress, teacher, nurse
playing "house" in my tree house in the woods
disney movies - a "magic kingdom family disney movie" always aired on sunday nights


future goals: to be a teacher during the day and work at mcdonald's at night.  and to live in my little-girl bedroom with my husband when we got married (sounds more like a nightmare than a fantasy).


When I was 10 I enjoyed...
exploring in the woods
dressing up with mom's clothes and shoes
rollerskating and bike-riding
real cooking - or rather, making concoctions that only i would eat
swinging
reading - but not school-assigned reading.  i loved ramona quimby and charlotte's web.
barbies, on occasion - though i'm certain i wasn't admitting it to my friends
dancing - mostly ballet
disney movies


future goals: sadly, i don't remember.  but if i had to guess i would say to be a teacher or a doctor.  i was very interested in being a doctor until i realized that i wouldn't give shots, was disgusted at the thought of cutting someone open, and didn't like nasty smells.  i do know that i wanted my parents to come and live with me and my husband in our house (we're making progress).


When I was 15 I enjoyed...
driving my worn-in chevy blazer
reading - un-school related reading
keeping a journal of my thoughts and activities
writing poetry and short stories (constantly writing at this age)
watching 90210 when i got home from school - yea, i said it
swinging on front porch swings
flirting with boys - oh so important
camping
sleeping late


my future goal(s): to be a teacher.  to learn to play the guitar (which i did many years later).  to fall madly in love (also did that... a few times).  to get married, start a family, and have a dog (done, done, and done).  to be extremely wealthy with lots of "stuff".  to buy a beach house for my parents to retire in (maybe one day).


Sometimes we try and force ourselves into these little boxes of what we should like to do instead of taking stock in what we DO like to do.  This exercise helped me to realize a few things.  I have always been interested in cooking and given the money and time would chef-up tremendous meals every night.  I probably should have been a teacher.  I am still obsessed with dress up - clothes, accessories, and especially shoes.  Although I really want to read great classic literature I am usually distracted, happily, by new best-selling fictions.  I traded in my roller skates and bike for a car and boys.  The times when I kept a journal were some of my happiest and most self-aware.  It is likely that I will never again be afforded the luxury of sleeping late - late being anything after 9:30am.  It probably wasn't the best move to quit dancing at the age of 11 and it might be interesting to try my hand at adult ballet - I would totally rock a too-too!  Though it might be hazardous to say aloud, I prefer to sit on the couch and watch mindless TV over heaps of other activities.  I miss the smell of campfires in the Fall but exploring in the woods holds no interest.  I'm excited to have an excuse (with Sully) to re-watch all of those great Disney movies.  Swinging is an activity that should be enjoyed at any age whether on a playground or a porch - it encourages freedom and simplicity.
 
 
a few new goals for 2010: 
-buy a bicycle and actually use it
-go roller/ice-skating
-buy an outdoor rocking chair and find a park near our new neighborhood with swings
-write a children's short story
-start a journal - realistically i will aim for one entry per week
-arrange a weekend camping trip this fall

wifey

that's right! on the perfect day of june 5th, i choked back (happy) tears as my dad escorted me down an aisle of fresh grass to the oh-so-handsome groom standing at the other end. there, overlooking breathtaking hillsides of pasture in the heat of a southern afternoon, we said "i do" and shared a night of dining and dancing with our friends and family in a beautifully restored 1940's barn.

i'll say it again - perfect!

it's incredible to me how one day, one afternoon even, gave me so much more than just a husband that i adore. it added a new meaning to my life. a security i've never completely known. it offered me the clarity of appreciating the friends and family who truly, deeeeeply love us - those who will be there to celebrate in life's joyous moments and on whom we can lean in the harder ones. beyond invaluable.

i am blessed. we are blessed.

Today marks one month, to the day...

before I meet the new little man in my life! The one who has been keeping me awake all night... sending me to the potty every 30 minutes... making me so hungry that I've almost gone into debt buying Ben & Jerry's Half Baked and Hardee's gravy biscuits ... punching my insides... and "un-glueing" me physically & emotionally for the past 8 months. One month to the day, until that wonderful day when I meet the little man who is making me fall insanely, head over heels, uncontrollably in love every single minute of every single day. One month!

It's amazing to me how much you can love someone that you've never met. Especially when that someone causes you to pee in your pants atleast once a day. I imagine his little face, so perfect and round, and how precious it will be to see his soft, tiny hand wrapped around John's finger. I wonder if I will melt into a ball of mush at the first sound of his baby cries or what it will feel like the day we bring him home. Will he have John's great hair, my eyes, a good sense of humor? Will he be a t-ball all-star or spelling bee champ? Will he love me as much as I already love him? And will the first moment I hold him in my arms be as overwhelmingly wonderful as I have envisioned?

These are the sweet thoughts I wrap myself in on the days when the "joys" of pregnancy are staring me down into the toilet. I have definitely earned a new-found respect for mother's across the globe, because, let me tell ya', it sure hasn't been easy, Soulshine. In fact, some of those days have been down-right miserable!

There was the morning that I yacked in the shower! I couldn't stop puking so, naked & wet, I proceeded towards the toilet where... I puked so hard, I pee'd ALL OVER THE FLOOR. And if that wasn't bad enough, in the midst of being exhausted from puking and still green with nausea, I had to clean out a shower that was filled with last night's dinner and a floor that was covered in a bladder full of pee. I didn't eat lima beans again for 6 months! (I know, I know. You're thinking you could have done without that, right? Well, so could I!)

Then came month 6 when I had my flu shot & glucose screening (to test for diabetes). Apparently the combination was too much for my already tired body and somewhere between the hours of 2 and 3, I passed out cold on my desk at work, waking up 2 hours later to a pile of drool and one very confused customer.

Oh! Then there was that unforgettable night at John's softball game, in the fall. Sporting my newly protruding belly, I made way to the bathroom stall to pee. I was still learning how to maneuver properly and apparently, hadn't worked out all the kinks in my squat & hover (ladies - we all know about the public bathroom "squat & hover") and I pee'd all down the back of my brand new maternity blue jeans. Imagine the embarrassment of walking back out to a bleacher full of people with a huge dark stain down the back of your pants. Not pleasant! I imagined the baby, all snuggled in my belly, laughing his adorable buns off at his idiot mommy who just pee'd herself.

I've had heartburn & headaches that I thought would kill me - learned to say the words "diarrhea" & "constipation" in public without embarrassment (ps. there's no normal pooping in pregnancy) - silently cussed out several stupid men who took the liberty of calling me "chubby" - mastered the art of secretly napping at work - concealed a million eye rolls after being told, "this is nothing compared to what's coming soon" - read things that scare the absolute beegeezus out of me - made keegles a part of my daily life - and, well...

I could go on and on!

But it won't be the misery of peeing my pants or overwhelming nausea that I remember when I see his perfect little face for the first time. In fact, I have a feeling that all of that suffering will fade away quickly leaving me only with the greatest blessing I have yet to receive.

One month to the day, and I can hardly wait!