to laugh at your own blog post? My wonderful sister-in-law is, right at this very moment, in labor in Atlanta. Filled with anticipation to hear that my new little nephew Jackson has made his arrival, I started reminiscing on Sully's birth. So I re-read my own "birth story" that I blogged last year. I laughed out loud (and maybe cried a little). A re-post felt completely necessary, so here goes...
http://simplysoulshine.blogspot.com/2009/03/my-sully.html
Showing posts with label howling laughter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label howling laughter. Show all posts
10.19.2010
10.15.2010
(cue Steve Carell in a TV ad for The Office)
Mom: Ew. Ew. (note that it warranted a double "ew")
Me: Why are you "ew"-ing at him?
Mom: I don't like him at all. I never have.
Me: What??? I love him. Why don't you like him?
Mom: I don't know. I've never liked him.
Me: You've GOT to be the only person I know that doesn't like him. He's so funny. I don't get it.
Mom: I just.... don't really like the way he looks. Okay!
She would kill me if she knew I posted this on my blog but I just couldn't help myself. Poor Steve Carell never stood a chance, I guess. Too bad because the day after we had this little convo I heard on the radio that ol' Steve raked in a cool 34 mil in 2009.
Mom: Ew. Ew. (note that it warranted a double "ew")
Me: Why are you "ew"-ing at him?
Mom: I don't like him at all. I never have.
Me: What??? I love him. Why don't you like him?
Mom: I don't know. I've never liked him.
Me: You've GOT to be the only person I know that doesn't like him. He's so funny. I don't get it.
Mom: I just.... don't really like the way he looks. Okay!
She would kill me if she knew I posted this on my blog but I just couldn't help myself. Poor Steve Carell never stood a chance, I guess. Too bad because the day after we had this little convo I heard on the radio that ol' Steve raked in a cool 34 mil in 2009.
9.23.2010
along came a spider
I married a plumber. I love him *let me just throw that out there before I start* but... when you marry a plumber there are certain expectations that have to be forsaken. For example: I can't always expect that he will be home to eat the dinner I slaved over for 2 hours or that he won't have to leave in the middle of the night to go on a call. I can only pray that I won't find one of his cruddy work shirts tossed on top of a pile of my clean unmentionables. I accepted defeat when we discovered his work van couldn't fit into our new garage and would have to live in the driveway at night. And I am almost used to finding customers phone numbers on every piece of paper laying around our house - birthday cards, bills, memorabilia, ANYTHING. But, then, there is that one. That notoriously obnoxious quality that aggravates me to a point of endearment (strange, I know). The foundation of what people anticipate when a plumber is called into their home or place of business.
The plumber's crack!
And boy does he have one. This thing gets SEEN. Case in point, the Boone Hall Plantation Pumpkin Patch circa Halloween '09 - John bends down to put his shoes back on after going on the bounce mound. I guess that's what you call it - it bounces and its a mound so I think "bounce mound" sounds perfect. Anyway, I hear the couple beside me snickering so I look down. John is showing full-on crack right there in the middle of hundreds of innocent bystanders. I swear I wouldn't have been surprised if kids started running and screaming. I'm just glad Sully was too young to understand.... I can only shrug it off as a walking satire.
Anywho, he calls me on my cell this weekend (I was out of town) to tell me that he's been bitten by a spider on, wait for it......... wait for it.......... the top of his crack. bahahahahaha. I know. I'm a bad wife. But I could hardly control my hysterical outburst. "Serves you right for always letting your crack hang out," I said. I began to wonder if this unsuspecting spider was laying somewhere gagging and dying at that very moment.
But I pulled myself together and tabled my laughter when I got home the next day to find half of his lower back inflamed and burning hot. After two full days of begging him to go to the doctor and a few blisters on the inflamed spot (I know, gross) he finally went.
Him: Babe! I just don't have time today. My work schedule is packed.
Me: Great. When you're dead on Friday, I'll be sure to go by your office and get your check.
I'm so warm and fuzzy sometimes. It's a gift I can't control. But, it turns out my "fuzziness" paid off because his bite ended up being the workings of a brown recluse and had he waited much longer there's no telling what would have happened. Scary! They gave him a shot of steroids to which I jokingly begged for him not to beat me up if I burned dinner that night. So now he's left with 2 antibiotics, a nasty red patch on his back (and crack, let's not forget), and his "war stories" of getting the steroid shot. I have to remind him that it wasn't that long ago I was giving birth to our child and enjoying the bliss of epidurals and blood oxygen tests (which, ps, is some of the most disgusting needle pain i've ever felt). Warm and Fuzzy!
The plumber's crack!
And boy does he have one. This thing gets SEEN. Case in point, the Boone Hall Plantation Pumpkin Patch circa Halloween '09 - John bends down to put his shoes back on after going on the bounce mound. I guess that's what you call it - it bounces and its a mound so I think "bounce mound" sounds perfect. Anyway, I hear the couple beside me snickering so I look down. John is showing full-on crack right there in the middle of hundreds of innocent bystanders. I swear I wouldn't have been surprised if kids started running and screaming. I'm just glad Sully was too young to understand.... I can only shrug it off as a walking satire.
Anywho, he calls me on my cell this weekend (I was out of town) to tell me that he's been bitten by a spider on, wait for it......... wait for it.......... the top of his crack. bahahahahaha. I know. I'm a bad wife. But I could hardly control my hysterical outburst. "Serves you right for always letting your crack hang out," I said. I began to wonder if this unsuspecting spider was laying somewhere gagging and dying at that very moment.
But I pulled myself together and tabled my laughter when I got home the next day to find half of his lower back inflamed and burning hot. After two full days of begging him to go to the doctor and a few blisters on the inflamed spot (I know, gross) he finally went.
Him: Babe! I just don't have time today. My work schedule is packed.
Me: Great. When you're dead on Friday, I'll be sure to go by your office and get your check.
I'm so warm and fuzzy sometimes. It's a gift I can't control. But, it turns out my "fuzziness" paid off because his bite ended up being the workings of a brown recluse and had he waited much longer there's no telling what would have happened. Scary! They gave him a shot of steroids to which I jokingly begged for him not to beat me up if I burned dinner that night. So now he's left with 2 antibiotics, a nasty red patch on his back (and crack, let's not forget), and his "war stories" of getting the steroid shot. I have to remind him that it wasn't that long ago I was giving birth to our child and enjoying the bliss of epidurals and blood oxygen tests (which, ps, is some of the most disgusting needle pain i've ever felt). Warm and Fuzzy!
6.01.2009
sometimes you just have to laugh
I had a "moment" with John last night that I just HAVE to share.
me: the sheets in the dryer are done. will you make the bed and i'll take care of the rest?
john: sure.
me (thinking to myself): he better fold those towels (also in the dryer) without me having to ask him. wait a minute. what am i thinking? of course he won't. i just KNOW that i'm going to go in that bedroom to a pile of towels and then i'm going to be pissed.
I finished the dishes and went back into the bedroom, prepared for a catastrophy of towels. No towels. The bed was made. This was good stuff. Okay, so maybe the bed was a little sloppy but I could let that slide because the towels had been taken care of. The only question remaining was where were those gloriously folded towels? Not in their usual home!
me: babe, where did you put the towels that were in the dryer.
john: towels? you just asked me to make the bed. i was supposed to do the towels TOO?
me(thinking): oh my god. he just dug through the dryer for the sheets, obviously leaving the towels for someone else, aka. me, and half-assed the bed. grrrrrrrrr!
me: you've got to be kidding me!
john: but you didn't tell me to get the towels.
me: the sheets in the dryer are done. will you make the bed and i'll take care of the rest?
john: sure.
me (thinking to myself): he better fold those towels (also in the dryer) without me having to ask him. wait a minute. what am i thinking? of course he won't. i just KNOW that i'm going to go in that bedroom to a pile of towels and then i'm going to be pissed.
I finished the dishes and went back into the bedroom, prepared for a catastrophy of towels. No towels. The bed was made. This was good stuff. Okay, so maybe the bed was a little sloppy but I could let that slide because the towels had been taken care of. The only question remaining was where were those gloriously folded towels? Not in their usual home!
me: babe, where did you put the towels that were in the dryer.
john: towels? you just asked me to make the bed. i was supposed to do the towels TOO?
me(thinking): oh my god. he just dug through the dryer for the sheets, obviously leaving the towels for someone else, aka. me, and half-assed the bed. grrrrrrrrr!
me: you've got to be kidding me!
john: but you didn't tell me to get the towels.
11.17.2008
busy, busy weekend
This weekend, John and I drove Tucker & the baby bump back home to Lancaster for the final time before baby makes his big debut. Busy doesn't even describe the weekend's events...
FRIDAY:
* WORK ALLLLLLLL DAY
* 6pm - John and I cram sandwiches in our mouths, load the car: dog, toothbrush, deo, undies
* 6:30pm - we hit the road
* 8pm - John's face is mixed with emotions of horror and amusement as I begin to serenade him to "make the drive go faster"
* 9:15pm - we roll into the booming town of Lancaster, SC
* 10:30pm - having never slept in the bed with my significant other under my parent's roof, I had to wonder how this was going to go. Mom says (in a whisper), "I don't know if you were planning to sleep in the bed with John tonight, but just so you know, the guest bed is very unstable and breaks easily." Not sure where she was going with that.
* Midnight - We, very carefully, ease into the guest bed
SATURDAY:
* 6am - after 6 hours of NO SLEEP on the "unstable" bed, we are awaken by a mysterious kitchen farting
* 8am - I set John free to go play golf with Dad, Chris, & Riley
* 11am - hair-cut and style - w/ Trayce (I was instructed to look "fabulous")
* 1 to 4pm - my first baby shower compliments of Mom, Paige, Adrienna - Kilburnie House (can I use the word "fabulous" again?)
* 4pm - i'm rushing back to the house for a Gamecocks game that I wish now I had missed
* 6:30pm - makeup bag, Chanel Chance perfume, purple silk shirt
* 7pm - we're off to dinner for Mom's birthday (this included 4 hours of intense laughing and one very strange conversation about Gav's chrome truck balls)
* 11:30pm - John and I crash on the uncomfortable bed (I slept through the night without waking - quite an accomplishment these days)
SUNDAY:
* 9:15am - Church
* 11:30am - Lunch (John is confused as to why my family eats lunch at the hospital. Frankly, I am too!)
* 2 to 4:45pm - another shower given so generously by all of the sweet ladies at my church (Mom sported her sassy fish-net stockings)
* 4pm - Riley's soccer team wins the championship game!!!!!! I'm still sad that I missed it.
* 5:30pm - 5 paper cuts later, it's time to load the car again
* 6pm - we're back on the road to Charleston (more singing, compliments of me)
* 8pm - roadside stop at McDonalds (has anyone seen ol' Ronald McDonald lately? Lit-tle scary)
* 9pm - we arrive safely at home
* 10pm - John makes a drink, I crack an O'Douls, and we put the baby swing together. I mostly watched! :)
* Midnight - we put the long weekend to rest
So let's re-cap: 2 baby showers, an unstable bed, the mystery farter, a fabulous hair-do, chrome balls, 5 papercuts, soccer championship, tons of laughing and Ronald McDonald's scary ass. What a weekend!
FRIDAY:
* WORK ALLLLLLLL DAY
* 6pm - John and I cram sandwiches in our mouths, load the car: dog, toothbrush, deo, undies
* 6:30pm - we hit the road
* 8pm - John's face is mixed with emotions of horror and amusement as I begin to serenade him to "make the drive go faster"
* 9:15pm - we roll into the booming town of Lancaster, SC
* 10:30pm - having never slept in the bed with my significant other under my parent's roof, I had to wonder how this was going to go. Mom says (in a whisper), "I don't know if you were planning to sleep in the bed with John tonight, but just so you know, the guest bed is very unstable and breaks easily." Not sure where she was going with that.
* Midnight - We, very carefully, ease into the guest bed
SATURDAY:
* 6am - after 6 hours of NO SLEEP on the "unstable" bed, we are awaken by a mysterious kitchen farting
* 8am - I set John free to go play golf with Dad, Chris, & Riley
* 11am - hair-cut and style - w/ Trayce (I was instructed to look "fabulous")
* 1 to 4pm - my first baby shower compliments of Mom, Paige, Adrienna - Kilburnie House (can I use the word "fabulous" again?)
* 4pm - i'm rushing back to the house for a Gamecocks game that I wish now I had missed
* 6:30pm - makeup bag, Chanel Chance perfume, purple silk shirt
* 7pm - we're off to dinner for Mom's birthday (this included 4 hours of intense laughing and one very strange conversation about Gav's chrome truck balls)
* 11:30pm - John and I crash on the uncomfortable bed (I slept through the night without waking - quite an accomplishment these days)
SUNDAY:
* 9:15am - Church
* 11:30am - Lunch (John is confused as to why my family eats lunch at the hospital. Frankly, I am too!)
* 2 to 4:45pm - another shower given so generously by all of the sweet ladies at my church (Mom sported her sassy fish-net stockings)
* 4pm - Riley's soccer team wins the championship game!!!!!! I'm still sad that I missed it.
* 5:30pm - 5 paper cuts later, it's time to load the car again
* 6pm - we're back on the road to Charleston (more singing, compliments of me)
* 8pm - roadside stop at McDonalds (has anyone seen ol' Ronald McDonald lately? Lit-tle scary)
* 9pm - we arrive safely at home
* 10pm - John makes a drink, I crack an O'Douls, and we put the baby swing together. I mostly watched! :)
* Midnight - we put the long weekend to rest
So let's re-cap: 2 baby showers, an unstable bed, the mystery farter, a fabulous hair-do, chrome balls, 5 papercuts, soccer championship, tons of laughing and Ronald McDonald's scary ass. What a weekend!
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